Falling Down - HD Ready:720p (Super Quality), DivX Version (Normal Quality), iPod/iPhone Version
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IMDB rating: 7.50 Plot: A divorced engineer for the defense industry gets stuck in L.A. traffic and finally snaps. He gets out of his car and begins a walk through central L.A., where he encounters various levels of harassment, which he learns to deal with by acquiring weapons along the way. His actions attract the attention of a retiring cop, and he gets involved with the case, following the engineer’s path toward Venice, where his daughter is having a birthday party. |
Available versions:
HD Ready:720p (Super Quality), DivX Version (Normal Quality), iPod/iPhone Version
Actors: Douglas Michael,Duvall Robert,Forrest Frederic,Singer Joey Hope,Smith Ebbe Roe,Chan Michael Paul,Barry Raymond J.,Moffett D.W.,Park Steve,Drama,Thriller,
What do you think of my Prologue?
Ok, so Im not a very good writer but I had a weird daydream while in Maths class and decided to write a story out of it. Any opinions and suggestions to improve my Prologue would be great because I don’t want to waste time writing about an idea that sucks.
This was the daydream I had:
The starless night sky was pitch black. The moon hung in the sky, hiding behind the clouds. There was a hint of moisture in the air, indicating rain was to come soon.
I checked my pocket watch, the thin sliver of moonlight that I could see behind the clouds reflected off it’s silver surface. The tiny clock hands showed five minutes until the new day.
As I hurried along the cobble stone streets of Phentom Falls, my boots slapping the pavement as I ran, I glanced back over my shoulder to make sure I was not being followed. I was a little comforted at the fact that everyone would be sleeping at this hour though I still jumped at the slightest sounds; the scurrying of mice underfoot, the flap of a birds wings as they flew over head. What I was about to do tonight was very risky, like putting a blade to my throat.
I slowed down my pace as I neared the end of the street, spotting my destination; an alleyway. I stopped in the mouth of the alley when the vile odor of rotting garbage filled my nostrils. I swallowed hard, fighting the urge to gag.
The narrow alley was dark, shadows clinging to every little crevice. Further down I could see flimsy balcony’s with stairs zigzagging from one balcony to another, lining the walls.
"You came, Cordelia" The cool, low voice came from within the alley, startling me.
The owner of the voice, a tall, lean boy, stepped out of the darkness. His hair was like a gold halo though he was no angel. I couldn’t make out any other features beacuse his face was shrouded in shadows.
"I hadn’t much choice" I reminded him bitterly.
He smiled slightly, a slow, chilling smile, as if amused by my earlier reluctance to come here tonight.
"Come" He ordered me, turning back into the alley and motioning with his hand for me to follow.
I took a deep breath and wearily stepped into the alleyway, following him and the sound of his light footsteps.
He stopped in the middle of the alley, just under a balcony. He then lit a candle and held it up, bathing the alley in light from the glow of the candle.
"Are you ready?" he asked me apprehensively, now placing the candle and it’s brass holder on the ground. He crouched down near the candle, his face still in shadow, and looked up as the moon slowly moved from behind the clouds.
"Yes, it is almost time" I pulled out my silver pocket watch. One minute to the new day.
I then removed the flask from my purse, containing the potion I had brewed before coming here. With that I also took out a small, gold handled blade engraved with delicate flowers and vines.
I unscrewed the lid of the flask and handed the flask to the boy, freeing my hand as I positioned the blade over my palm.
I looked up at the sky. The moon hung there, a bright silver orb floating in darkness. It was time.
I could feel the boys eyes boring into me as I brought the blade down.
I had just nicked the skin on my palm when a searing pain shot through my chest. I looked down at myself, wondering what had caused this incredible pain, the hand holding the blade pausingly.
A sword was producing from my chest, just to the right of my heart. I put a hand to my chest, around where the sword had skewered me. Blood steadily seeped into my clothes, flowing through my fingers and dripping down my arm. I looked at the boy in horror, to where he still crouched, clutching the flask.
He moved into the light of the candle and I saw his eyes. Blazing, leaf green eyes looked back at me, filled with a fierce rage.
I crumpled to the floor as the boy gave me a regretful look and glanced behind me, into the darkness where the sword had come from. Then he retreated back into the shadows of the alleyway, the flask with him.
It had just started raining as I lay there, slowly bleeding to death, my blood running down the cobble stones and mixing with the rain water.
I had one last thought.
I had been followed. It was him. He had known.
The new day had come.
Please let me know what you think 
I like it. Kinda wanna know what happens next.
Trblmkr1311 | Nov 14, 2009
Your description is probably one of the greatest i have read! No seriously! I got hooked onto every word. It was great! Are you thinking of publishing a book?? It was gooooood
Kitty | Nov 14, 2009
It’s intriguing, and keeps the reader on their toes.. great job (:
Good luck writing this 
Kelsey | Nov 14, 2009
I like it! I like it a lot!
I think that you are a very good writer, or at least better than me (in my opinion), and I’m getting a book published! (called The Prophecy-watch for it!)
I’m also just a kid (13) but I like this. When they speak you have the wrong punctuation
(example: "I hadn’t much choice" I reminded him bitterly. That should have a comma after choice.)
I think this is more of a chapter than a prologue, because the prologue is supposed to not give away what happens but be mysterious and leaving people wanting to read more, though this does want me to read more I don’t think it qualifies as a prologue.
From what I gather of this story, for a prologue I’d say something like…
I shouldn’t have been so ignorant as to believe I could make it through the night in the open. As a fool would, I made the wrong choice and went to the ally knowing the consequences could be as saver as death.
ect ect.
Hope I helped! (:
Paige | Nov 14, 2009
Writing skills you do have! I love your imagery and the way you keep from cluttering up the the descriptions. That is a hard balance to grasp for new writers. I look forward to seeing more of your work, let me know where to look.
As per your query, this is a bit lengthy for a prologue, not long enough for a chapter. I think you are trying to get too much in this small of format. Your style will sell it’s self if you focus on the story.
Lightning | Nov 14, 2009
